Misogyny in Sports and Why I Won’t Condone the USA Men’s Hockey Team’s Behavior 

This wasn’t a topic I had any intentions of covering on this blog, but I’m also not going to sit by and pretend that what happened on Sunday didn’t happen. Others have said things more eloquently, but I wanted to get my thoughts out, however raw and rough they may turn out to be.

US Men’s Hockey’s Behavior

If by chance you aren’t aware of what I’m referring to, on Sunday, after the US men’s hockey team won the gold medal, President Trump called into the locker room to congratulate the team, and during the course of his call, managed to dismiss and demean women’s sports by saying that he was going to have to also invite the women’s hockey team to the White House when the men’s team visits. It was clear by his words and tone that he had no interest in inviting the women’s hockey team or desire to have them there or to celebrate or honor them in any way, and that they were an afterthought, and truthfully, the punchline of a joke. 

My problem is less with what the President said; he has said and done so many countless things like this that there is no surprise left when he behaves this way. I will never excuse his behavior and am in no way accepting it in this or any other situation, but it’s so far from surprising that it barely feels like a blip on the radar. What left me so upset about this moment was how the men’s hockey team reacted. They laughed right along with the President. Not a single person spoke up, defended the women, or walked away from the conversation. This includes Quinn and Jack Hughes, whose mother played women’s hockey and is now one of the integral members of the staff for the US women’s hockey team. This includes a roomful of men with wives, mothers, sisters, and daughters who they may claim to respect, but their actions spoke louder than any words.  

My Reactions

On Monday, after seeing the video for the first time, I felt hurt. Sad. Disappointed. Defeated. I let myself cry and start to work through all of the emotions I was feeling. I had moments of feeling like I wasn’t sure I had it in me to continue this fight, to have to continue to defend women as whole, and women’s sports, to everyone who continues to inform us how they truly feel. It feels like such an uphill battle, and I wasn’t sure I had the energy to continue to be a voice standing up for women’s sports when faced with such strong evidence of everything that was working against us. 

By Tuesday morning, I still felt all of those things, but a new prevailing emotion had taken over: anger, with a side of determination. These men don’t speak for me, and they obviously don’t care about the things that are important to me, or believe in the same things I do. I could let this be yet another moment of men telling women what they’re worth, or I could stand up with everyone else, raise my voice, and let everyone know who I am and where I stand.  

How They (Didn’t) Respond

This is just another ugly example of the worst of “boys will be boys”, of locker room behavior, and straight out misogyny. Please don’t defend the players by saying they were drinking, it was a momentary mistake, or any other BS excuse to defend their behavior. They have had ample time to speak out publicly after the fact and at least try to claw back some of their bad behavior. Not a single player has said anything to apologize for their behavior or reaction.  

The only players who have even addressed this at all were Jack and Quinn Hughes. Hearing the response from Jack Hughes after the backlash began only further angers and frustrates me. For him to so quickly dismiss the reaction just goes to show how much he doesn’t understand what it feels like to be dismissed in sports or in any other area of life. For a male growing up in a hockey family who likely never faced any time when he was dismissed or demeaned in any real or significant way, it’s not surprising, but it’s still so disappointing. He claims the men’s and women’s hockey teams are very close and that they support and care about one another, but if the men’s team actually viewed the women’s players as equals, they wouldn’t have laughed at the president’s comments. Dismissing this backlash as people just wanting to get upset about anything just shows continued disrespect to the women and to the larger conversation that this has re-ignited. 

My Thoughts on How NOT To Respond

If you think this whole thing has been blown out of proportion, can’t understand the backlash, attribute it to women just being overly sensitive, or argue that everything doesn’t have to be made political, you’re part of the problem. If you truly believe those things, I would encourage you to take a look in the mirror, stop and actually listen to what the other side of this argument is saying, and please actually consider someone else’s point of view. This isn’t political. It’s about basic respect. This isn’t about women blowing something out of proportion or being “too emotional”. It’s about women who are sick and tired of being disrespected and not treated as equals. It’s about women continually being disappointed by men who we thought understood, cared, and respected us. If you can find an adult woman who doesn’t think she’s ever been looked down on, treated as if she’s lesser, or been treated even worse than that by a man, she’s either lucky to be in the very small minority, or she’s been taught to expect and accept this kind of treatment so she doesn’t even realize it shouldn’t be this way. I’m lucky enough to be in a point in my life where I’m surrounded by amazing men who support me and push me to be better, but that doesn’t mean I’ve never experienced this kind of treatment from men in earlier points in my life, have never seen other women treated this way, or never had to support a woman I’m close to who was treated this way. 

Please don’t hide behind politics. There is nothing political about this issue, and it’s tiresome for people to hide behind that word whenever something happens that they don’t want to address, or when they don’t want to admit that something is wrong or unhealthy. Treating people equally, fairly, and with any level of care and respect should never be political. 

Please don’t defend these players by saying they were drunk, or just in a celebratory mood from what they had just accomplished. Celebrating your accomplishments shouldn’t include demeaning other’s accomplishments. And if someone can’t control their behavior while drinking, it’s time to stop drinking. It’s this kind of mentality that allows the good old boys, locker room behavior to continue. We are well past the time where this could be viewed as anything remotely approaching acceptable or okay. 

How the US Women’s Team Responded

I’m thankful that the women’s  hockey team so quickly declined the pity invite they received to also go to the White House. Logistically, it truly probably wouldn’t have worked for the women’s team to be there, but frankly, the men’s team is in a similar position in terms of professional games starting up again soon and it being difficult to have any time with their professional teams before they resume play, but the men’s team is choosing to attend, even if it’s not ideal in their schedules or best for their NHL teams. The women likely could have done the same if they had received a genuine invitation that they had any desire to accept. I’m proud and grateful for the incredibly swift decision made by the women’s team to decline such an insulting “invite” after what the President said about these women.  

The only pity with how quickly the PWHL season resumes is that the women’s players are likely not going to be able to accept invitations from anyone else that have already started being made publicly, and likely will continue in the coming days. The women’s players have already headed back to the cities they live and play in with the PWHL, so this team doesn’t get to parade around the country and be celebrated at all. This women’s team deserves to be celebrated for what they accomplished rather than being laughed at by people who should respect them.  

SUPPORT. WOMEN’S. SPORTS.

The flip side of PWHL games starting back up in a few days is it gives all of us a great opportunity to let these women know, both those that played in the Olympics and those that didn’t, what they mean to us. That we take them seriously, support them, and know how amazing they are both on and off the ice. This is our opportunity, and we need to take it. 

If you were upset by what you saw and heard, I encourage you to find a way to support women’s sports. While tickets to women’s sports are typically more affordable than men’s, I still understand that not everyone can afford to attend a game (or has a team in their local area) , and I know jerseys and other merch are way too expensive as well. If you can’t afford to support the leagues and/or players in a monetary way, please find any way you can to support them. Follow the teams and other supporters or influencers on social media, blogs, and online articles, and engage on their posts. If you live in the US, you can watch PWHL games for free on YouTube. There are ways to show your support even if you can’t afford to spend any money to do so, or if your schedule or situation doesn’t allow you to attend games (and there’s absolutely no shame if you can’t monetarily support the leagues or players).  

The clearest message we can send right now is that despite what the President and Team USA’s men’s hockey team thinks, we see these women for who they are and how amazing they are, and they are who we choose to support. Please find any and all ways you can to let the players, the leagues, and the country know how you feel about women’s sports and these amazing, inspiring athletes.